Hooking up has been around since the dawn of civilization. It started as casual orgies on rich people’s parties, it maintained itself through the Renaissance, and it has ultimately become something of an everyday thing that can be found in a local club or on a transgender dating site.
Still, not all of us are outgoing enough so that we have no issue approaching someone or being approached for casual sex. In that regard, here are a couple of pro tips on how to get over anxiety about first-time hookups.
Don’t Pressure Yourself
The main reason why people get the hookup jitters is that they force themselves into believing that they have to perform extraordinarily or that something crucial is riding on this hookup (pun intended).
However, in reality, there’s nothing special about hooking up. Admittedly, we could say that having casual sex with someone you’ve just met is healthy every now and again – for psychological and physical reasons, of course – but there are no real dangerous consequences to safe, casual sex.
Don’t Overthink It
Another big reason why you might be getting that casual sex anxiety might be because you’re overthinking things. By doing this, you’re going back to step one, where you’re pressuring yourself again just because you can’t help but imagine every possible (and impossible) scenario that may or may not unfold during and after your hookup.
Remember that, after all, it is casual sex. Instead of planning or trying to predict possible outcomes of a hookup, just go in cool-headed and relaxed – no matter what happens, you still had sex with someone.
Be in the Moment
Once again, we have to note that overthinking about hooking up with someone is wrong. The best alternative to this is to live in the moment since that’s pretty much the definition of casual sex.
Hookups are all about being with someone for a very brief period after which neither of you is required to meet ever again. This is literally the bluntest form of “being in the moment,” and it’s an excellent method of killing any hookup jitters that you might be having.
This way, you won’t be burdening yourself with various trivial things that have little or nothing to do with the actual act of hooking up with a stranger. Instead, you’ll be enjoying every moment of it – from that first couple of messages you exchange with your partner-in-crime, the sexual act itself to the part where you don’t have to contact them afterward, leaving you satisfied and with no strings attached.
It might sound counterintuitive, but talking to the person you’re hooking up with about the process you’re going through with them and even about your anxiety will most likely alleviate most of the stress that you might be feeling.
This is, hardships are always more bearable when shared with others. If you do this, it may even turn out that the other person is even more nervous than you, which usually leads to sweet and hot sex.
CEO/FOUNDER: WASTELAND INC.
As the founder and CEO of Wasteland.com, the Internet's oldest and most popular BDSM and alternative sexuality site, Colin Rowntree is a true pioneer of the online adult entertainment industry. Since launching Wasteland.com in 1994, Colin has developed a network of sites that encompasses the full breadth of adult business sectors, from content production and distribution to affiliate program management, mobile content delivery to transaction processing, just to name a handful. Colin's stature within the adult industry is reflected by the many honors and recognitions he has received over the years from adult industry media outlets and trade organizations, including his 2011 induction to the Adult Video News (AVN) Hall of Fame. Colin was also the recipient of the 2011 Leadership Award from the Free Speech Coalition (FSC) and winner of multiple awards from other adult media outlets.
Most recently, Colin co-founded Boodigo.com, a privacy-focused adult internet search engine that supports the adult industry in many ways.
An eloquent, witty and thought-provoking commentator, Colin is a frequent contributor to industry trade publications and websites, including Adult Video News and other media outlets. He has been interviewed by and featured on International Business Times, CNBC, Rolling Stone Magazine, BBC Television, the Fox Network, HBO, ABC Nightline, NewsCorp, Time and Wired magazines, Cnet.com and Bnet.com.Most recently, Colin was awarded the 2015 Progressive Leadership of the Year XBIZ Executive Award.